Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Crafty? Me?

Afraid not. The craftiest I have been lately was yesterday. I moved my scrap-booking paper and things from the garage to the attic. Let me emphasize that I do not use my scrap-booking paper for its intended purpose, at all, if ever. My children play with it and we do silly crafts, like ripping pictures.
The craft, I mean goal, now is to get the garage cleaned out of all residual boxes before my birthday in July. I mean, if it's like walking a tiny ditch to get to the van, then it must be cleaned. Right? I owe tribute to my mother for that. We had just that. A narrow ditch from the kitchen door around the front of the vehicle to the drivers door, and any other door for that matter. I'm only sorry that I had no pictures of the before. I called my mother to beg for her help. She could have her own organization helpline and make millions off it. I swear, that woman could pack a moving van that was already full! They, my mom and dad, came over on a Saturday afternoon in December to help. And to have birthday cake for the middlemost sister. My mom and I spent the better half of 3 hours moving boxes around and repacking boxes and stacking them. What a difference! Instead of a space barely big enough to park our van, (even my mother-in-law helped out while she was here when Baby M was born. She made the wall of boxes to match the great wall of china, with no order though. just space to park the van. When we moved in, Hubby put ALL of the boxes in the garage in no order at all. Just to get them out), We now have lined the wall of the garage with only one layer of boxes neatly stacked around the perimeter.
I should have done it when it was colder, so I wouldn't have to look especially hard for critters. I don't want critters in my house. I don't like them and they don't like me, but things are okay. I have probably 3 hours worth of work to do to get things put away, then It's gotta get swept out. (Having to go to work makes craft projects like this kinda difficult).
Oh well, I'll have fun, right.?

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Baby M.s Birth

Here is an account of Baby M's birth. It's quite horrific if you ask me. I think I truly nearly died. I decided to put it here since things on facebook arbitrarily go missing. I had to edit some things though. About the last whole paragraph has been deleted because you never can be too careful.

..M. was about 5-6 days old. and I was so very tired and hungry and cranky when I wrote this.

I went into labor Thursday about at 11:30 am, right before I picked I. up from school. I did some acupressure, which I think set it off, because it was nearly an immediate reaction. I contracted for 14 hours. Anyway. We got to the hospital about at 11:30 PM, they monitored me for an hour, because I was only dilated at a 2. When my doc showed up an hour later, (he just happened to be there anyway, to help some other colleague with a tubal ligation) he checked me and I was at 4. My water broke, which I never felt before and I gushed for about 5 minutes. Here's where it gets scary.
Babys hand popped out. Followed by an umbilical chord. They did a sonogram, and in less than a day, he went breach. My hubby said there was a contraction that pushed him up, instead of down and out,I had my last apt on Wed, and he was head down, so I was pretty much scared to death. I cried, the nurse jumped on top of me and shoved her hand inside to keep his head from pressing the chord, which prolapsed, and they rushed me to the O.R. They ran to get my doc and he hustled in. there was no time for a shave, so he anesthesiologist gave me a spinal (no time for an epidural here) and my legs went really shaky for about 30 seconds and then really warm. I still wanted to cry. "Do your legs feel warm?" the anesthesiologist asked over and over until I said "yeah, that feels kinda good". "Okay, cut now"
It only took about 30 seconds. They told me I had to relax, but when you're being cut open from side to side, and your body is in trauma, what else is there to do? I closed my eyes for the whole thing. They cut, his hand popped out of the incision and so the doc had to call for extra "specialty" help as he swept my uterus for the head. This caused a tear in my uterus, on both sides of the incision and the need for the specialist, who was an OB Surgeon. It only took 16 minutes from the nurse jumping on me to baby coming out, then they sewed for 2 hours. my insides feel so discombobulated. That's not something I was looking forward to in any situation anyhow. So I have a horizontal scar now to go along with my vertical stretch-marks. It's a good thing I wear a one-piece bathing suit, huh.
Anyway the specialist aided in sutures, because of the tearing, there was a good chance of vein ruptures, and I would have had to have a full hysterectomy. Thankfully, It wasn't THAT bad. I only lost half of my blood volume.
I shouldn't remember so much detail, especially for being in shock, but hey. This is it. I'm glad that he's safe, and healthy, and I'm going to be okay. I can go to the bathroom my myself, and walking is a great chore. But it all could be so much worse. So much worse. I'm glad it's not. The girls can't wait to see baby brother:
Friday, October 2, 2009, 1:39 am
Utah Valley Regional Medical Center

We welcome him with lots of hugs and kisses! and a flat wallet.
Did you know they won't let children under 14 into the hospital to visit patients? My girls are so sad....
I think I may have a bit of ppd already. I have never been good at this nursing thing, and seriously, Each side is now as big a a regulation-sized football. I'm not joking. I hurt all over, have a headache, fronts ache and tummy aches. I'm cold, tired and hungry,

So, there you have it. I lost 1/2 of my blood, had to have 2 units in an IV during recovery and lots of other kinds of fluids. My feet were 3 times the size they normally were and I still get dizzy. The feet have recovered, but the dizzy-ness will go away in about a month, when my red blood cell count has returned to closer to normal. The nursing thing now is so much better than my girls ever were. I don't know if it's a gender thing...j/k...but really, I am having much better luck this time around than any time before.
I thank the Lord that I came home with my baby and that we are all adjusting to the new things...even L., whom I thought would take it harder. (She's even potty-training right now to make things more interesting).

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Am I Really?

I have a good friend who has disclosed an ongoing battle with depression. I never knew it, because she always seemed to be happy and well-adjusted. I was always cranky and quite negative. She has a new blog about it too. I thin we are more alike than being a cancer makes us out to be.
In the last three or four years, my sister has been saying "what has happened to the fun, happy sister I used to have? I want her back!"
I just now know what I have been suspicious of for years is true, and I haven't been doing anything about it. Music used to be my one outlet for emotion that would never fail me and I could rely on it for anything. I am a classical musician, and I enjoy music of all kinds. It has taken a back seat in my life over the last 4 years. No longer! I make a space for it. My children love to dance and ballet takes a front seat. None of them has formal ballet training, but that makes no difference. Middlemost sister has a natural body for ballet, and we are looking for a dance school for her. It brings a great joy to my face to see my girls dance and have a good time, even if they are bopping to Salt n Peppa.
I have taken up sewing again. My mother taught me to sew on a machine when I was very young. I will probably teach my oldest daughter near her next birthday. (I just need to remember to not lose my temper). I have a giant sense of accomplishment when I finish tiny projects. Just yesterday, I made a childs apron out of a fat quarter and rickrack. I made the general apron shape by cutting half-circles out of the top corners and sewed them on as pockets. The rickrack made its way to the neck strap and the ties. It turned out really cute and only took me 30-45 minutes. But I felt really good. I finished something. Last week it was a car seat canopy for Baby M. The cover broke off, three months ago, so I had to remove it. He's been going uncovered since then. I found some darling oriental-type dragon fabric and made a quite boyish (not babyish) covering for it. I was quite pleased with myself. Last week, I also figured out how to fix the car seat. I found an old drycleaning hanger and took the cardboard tube off. Then I cut it open and taped about 4 inches to the stick part that has the built-in canopy, which was the part that broke. My grandmother would have been so proud. I used it up and wore it out. Now the one I made won't get lost in the baby carrier and smother Baby M.
All I need to do now is drag my cello out and play for a while. I just worry about poking little girls in the eyes with the bow and stabbing little feet with my end pin. Maybe I will write a song for my hubby.
So I have depression. I've said it. It's out. Now to heal.

Most Things Considered.

So I made a new blog. I gave it a better name, and the web address was already taken, so I had to modify it. I'm not as clever at naming things as I thought I once was and moved ALLLLL my posts from the other one to here just now. Since I live in a house full of girls, one boy and a husband, I thought it would be more fitting.
That being said, lets get started.

My husband is in graduate school and it terrifies me. His program requires an internship and he may have to quit his job. I'm scared of that because I make only enough for a single person to be impoverished by, let alone a family of 6. And I don't even get my whole paycheck because of the regular deductions and on top of that, health insurance. We still have to wait to see how things will go, but I have every right to be nervous. Hubby says that we'll just have to wait and see how things pan out and not to worry yet...Come on! I'm female. Women worry for everything. Baby M is teething and I worry about that too.

Biggest sister has been losing teeth now. She is 6 years old and has two holes in her smile. I had the tooth fairy leave 50cents for each one. She was so stinkin' excited. My children are so grown up, and the oldest is only 6. I am ready for them to stop. Not because I am dreading the sassy teen stage, but because they are perfect the way they are right now. I met a woman last night at the grocery store where I work, who's teenagers were really irritating her. She said to me, "don't have children".
"I have four". I said with a smile on my face.
"bury them before they get to be teenagers". She said with a crooked smile on her face that was just really creepy. I felt sorry for her. I love my children and I can't wait for them to be teenagers and pray that we will get along and like each other when they are.

Middlemost sister is 4 and she loves to dance. And take care of Baby M. And be the mom. And change babys diapers. "Make sure you point him down", I remind her as she is fastening it. I wish we could get her into ballet right now. I just fear that when we are able to afford it, she will be too old. (Like six is too old to dance, but it's a good fear).

Littlest sister is a challenge. She thinks she is up to all thing s the bigger sisters can do, but she forgets that most days she should take a nap. Most days, she truly needs a nap. And most days, I deal with it. I scoop her up and hold her while she cries and boobs. Then we start all over. She is so funny. I need a nap too, most days. But I forfeit the nap to work out.

I have lost 10 lbs since Baby M was born. My new pants are pretty loose now. I wouldn't have bought new pants, but the old ones have a hole in the crotch area that can't be fixed. I've sewn all my life and I can't figure out how to fix this one. And there is a giant bleach splatter on the rear, so people always knew it was me. Back to the weight. I'm working every day for this goal, and it seems impossible. Except for yesterday. I'll just put it out there. Yesterday, I weighed 166lbs. I'm pretty pleased with myself, that I can lose it. My hubby thinks that realistically I can lose 30 more, but I don't know that I want to go that low. 20 seems fine enough. But in my mind, I'm comfortable with who I am and the shape I have. Most of the time.
Now that I think about it, truthfully, I'd like to lose the belly. I think a little belly in front is okay, but I have just too much. I think when I lose the weight, because I've had 4 kids, it won't all go away. My sister had a tummy tuck, but I don't think that I could do that. My last was born by c-section in which I nearly died, (Which I will post about later), and that--I believe--is not helpful for the loss of shape.
Anyway, I don't remember where I was going with this because I have been tending to the needs of the wee ones as I type. They are good kids, and helpful too. I love them dearly.

Now I need to read that book about feeding husbands, because I think mine is malnourished.

New Blog=Better Name.

So I made a new blog. I gave it a better name, and the webaddress was already taken, so I hade to modify it. I'm not as clever at naming things as I thought I once was and moved ALLLLL my posts from the other one to here just now.
That being said, lets get started.

My husband is in graduate school and it terrifies me. His program requires an internship and he may have to quit his job. I'm scared of that because I make only enough for a single person to be impoverished by, let alone a family of 6. And I don't even get my whole paycheck because of the regular deductions and on top of that, health insurance. We still have to wait to see how things will go, but I have every right to be nervous. Hubby says that we'll just have to wait and see how things pan out and not to worry yet...Come on! I'm female. Women worry for everything. Baby M is teething and I worry about that too.

Biggest sister

Some Things Never Change or Now is the Time for Less Stress.

Some Things Never Change or Now is the Time for Less Stress.

I'm not as good at this blog thingy as I thought I'd be.
My baby boy is now 3 months old and looks like a little man. The sisters have pink eye and refuse to believe they are sick. I still work as a cashier in the grocery store and hubby is in grad school, trying to line up his internship.
I have less stress in my life, not because I am doing less. I do just as much now as I was before baby was born, even more. I have been known to wake the girls up at much past midnight thirty to clean up their messes they "didn't get to" before they went to bed. I have to make lunch for the baby while I am at work. (Actually, I have done that for each of his sisters as well,) and there is a surplus in the freezer. Yay me! That means he will never have to have formula. It is less stressful because I know he's not going to get sick with anything I get because he's getting breastmilk. I don't know about you, but I've been sitting in the same closet (because it's the only room without a camera and/or window) to make a bottle at least once per shift that I work. It's not my favorite part of the day, that would be when baby wakes up and I take him back to bed with me at 6 am to feed him, but it helps us both out. I get quirky looks from co-workers and sometimes even some daring soul makes a snarky remark. Whatever! I can take it. I have three other times. Bring it! I was even made aware of a Utah state law that requires employers to allow nursing mothers extra breaks to take care of business. (In addition to the regularly scheduled breaks). How nice is that? I get extra time off my feet!
The younger sisters are both sick. They have pink eye and colds. Grandpa's birthday is tomorrow and they won't get to go because of it. I don't know how to let them down easily, but they can't go and infect my nieces and nephews. It's going to break their little hearts. Biggest sister will be the only one who gets to go. The others will stay home with Daddy while I go to work. He's so good at the daddy thing. the kids adore him! I think it makes him HOT!
Biggest sister is in Kindergarten and she loves Loves LOVES it! I can't get her to not love it. and she loves to read. I can't believe how much she has learned in 4 months. She's learning things in Kindergarten that I only remember learning in the first or second grade. Certainly not in Kindergarten.

Sweet Rolls

Sweet Rolls

My husband has to work on Sundays. We miss him for church, especially when I have to feed baby. Three sisters think they have to come with me to the mothers' lounge. That gets to be a little hectic when there are other women there feeding their babys too.
Anyway, he works with mentally ill people of all ages at the state mental hospital. He has to be there at 6:30 am, so he has to be up pretty early. That is why I am up at this hour. I would be asleep right now, but he mad a special request for breakfast. Sweet rolls. He wants my sweet rolls. "I want big, fluffy sweet rolls. Not skinny ones. I want something yummy to eat." Since my husband cooks, but cannot bake, I make the bread. My dough is better than his and always has been. I just know how to make a good bread dough. I don't know the secret. I couldn't tell you if you wanted to know. There's just something about the bread I make that it always, ALWAYS turns out right. AND it's fluffy, just like he likes it.
So I am waiting for the bread to finish.

I was thinking about my sweet rolls when all of a sudden images of my teenage church years came to mind. I was a class presidency member and we'd have weekly meetings at the adult leaders home and I would always take my "sticky buns" every week. I had a friend named Sallie who would go to these meetings with me. Sallie was my best friend for a time when she moved into the neighborhood. I was in 10th grade and she, 9th. We were mostly unseperable. Then she stopped being my friend. I was devestated. I had no other friends. Someone else moved in and they were the closest of all. Life was over as I knew it. This girl named Nicole came in and took Sallie away from me. I hated Nicole. I loathed everything about her. She was smug. She was Smart, she was beautiful. I was none of these. I thought myself cute, but that's about it.
But you know what? It turns out that Nicole has been one of the best people in my life. I grew to love Nicole and her beautiful spirit. She was and still is beautiful from the inside, out. She has an amazing spirit and testimony of our Savior, Jesus Christ that I absolutely think is so fantastic and she has no shame in what she believes. I only wish I...

So the next time you find yourself making sweet rolls, count all the blessings you have been given by our Heavenly Father. Give thanks for your sweet, wonderful friends. Those close to you and those you haven't seen, or spoken to in a while.

I Need a Time Out

I Need a Time Out

My mom and dad came over today. I called earlier in the week to see what they were doing, or rather to specifically invite my mother to come help me finish cleaning out the garage. They came over, to put a long story short, and helped me get the pile of dead/buggy boxes (because bugs love open boxes in a garage and tend to die in them) cleaned up and sorted out and put up the shelves for our meager food storage supply (which was half the problem). Now, instead of a narrow ditch, which we had to tiptoe through, there is a single-file stack on the far wall of the garage, which will eventually---SOON---end up in the attic. It makes me happy that I don't have to pretend to ignore the mess, which my wonderful husband created when we moved in by unloading the moving truck into the garage, any more.
We moved and hubby unloaded the truck into the garage, and then, when we needed something, we'd go look for it in a box. shortly after that, we sorted and threw away most of the junk, which was literally half of what was left. when baby was born in October, my m-i-l moved the boxesto the edge of the garage and I have been ignoring it ever since, until now. We can move around the van, Finally! and I believe it won't take just myself more than a few afternoons to finish the job. After all, I do have to find someplace suitable for biggest sisters bicycle, and the lawn mower.
When we got to a suitable stpping point, we had chocolate muffins for a birthday girl.

Today, it was middlemost sisters birthday. She turned 4. We had cake and ice cream and she wanted taco salad for dinner. It was good taco salad. I took our babysitter (from Virginia, who is here for college) home from the party and dropped the nephews off too. When I got home, I took to getting the girls bathed and ready for bed. Littlest sister was in her diaper so long today, that it leaked all over and she had a shower. Then she pooped in her clean diaper, THEN, she jumped into the COLD bathwater from the bigger sisters--dressed in yet another diaper AND her bathing suit. I was completely annoyed. The bigger sisters were washing the tea set that Grandma and Grandpa L. gave to middlemost sister for her present in the bathtub. They just HAD to wash it. We got them out of the tub, dried off and dressed for bed when I discovered IT.

I desperately need a time out. I went upstairs to get my girlie girls to bed tonight and to my surprise, and unbelief that I missed it for an entire day, I witnessed ink writing covering the wooden bunk beds. They, all three of them, got into heaps of trouble for writing all over the furniture. I just can't understand myself, and why I get so mad at something that mundane. It's just furniture. And not even decent furniture at that. It's a cheap, barely basic bunk bed from my favorite Swedish store. But like most people these days, we can't afford to replace, or even paint for that matter, our things I guess I could turn the ladder around. The thing is, the biggest sister wrote her name on it. "I didn't do it." She cried. But then middlemost sister said, "littlest sister colored over what I wrote. But I didn't write there because littlest sister wrote over it."
They are all grounded. And don't get anything to write with (pens, pencils, crayons, paints, colored pencils) upstairs. Ever. They have to do all their coloring and writing at the kitchen table. For the rest of their lives. (If that's the worst thing that ever happens, They are in pretty good shape.

Biggest sister is already in heaps of trouble for sticking her fingers into the center of each piece of cake that was left in the pan. She's six years old. I remember being six and being terrified to step out of line. Wiping frosting off the top of the cake would have been out of line, but my children don't really think twice about it.

I really don't know how many times today I asked my children "what were you thinking?" or "do you really think that was a good idea?"

Yesterday I had a great accomplishment. I assembled baby boys crib. He's been sleeping in a pack and play bassinet in our bedroom all this time and I don't sleep. Neither does my hubby. You know how newborns snort and grunt in their sleep? It keeps us awake. Every night.
I put the crib together, put a sheet on the mattress, and a blanket on top of that so he doesn't get cold and when the time came, he went to bed in his own room, in his own bed. He's been sleeping for more than 6 hours/ night now. Because I don't get up at every grunt or snort to feed him. My fronts are sore in the morning, but that's a very small price to trade for over 7 hours of sleep. He'll go down at about 8-8:30 and sleep until 5 or 6 to eat, then back to bed he goes and back to bed I go. It's been wonderful these last 3 nights. I have loved it.
But I still need a time out!

That's New to You Too!

That's New to You Too!

I have finally done it. I have jumped onto the bandwagon of blogging and begun a life I don't really have time for. already spend too much time cleaning my house and on facebook. I don't spend nearly enough time with my children making forts out of the kitchen chairs and clothes pins or reading to them from anything Shel Silverstien. We don't make telescopes out of old paper towel tubes or make cake and cookies all morning long every day with only the mixing bowls and cookie sheets. My hubby is gone by the time everyone else gets up and has half a day of work by the time dd1 gets home from school. Oh what a life I live.
I think that reading to my children is a valuable asset to life. It puts me to sleep and makes me lose my voice, but if I can manage to stay awake long enough, we can finish "the cat in the hat comes back". Not to mention, dd's 1 and 2 are both learning to read. and dd3 has an exceptional memory. Ds is just learning to smile and keep his head up and be cute!
I don't know if I'll have time for this like my friends Channin and Nicole and Heidi. They are beautiful people and I love them. I only wish my blog to be as nearly wonderful and entertaining as theirs.